I wanted to give this a better title - something subtle and intriguing which would avoid alienating any reader. And then I realized that this is an issue for which subtlety and intrigue have gone way, way too far. So, women of the world, please hear me again, ever so loudly and clearly:
I. Regret. My. Virginity.
This is a critical statement. In any logical, coherent setting, this is utterly earth-shattering evidence. Why, asks the good secular reader who did not grow up in the shadow of the epitome of chastity? Because, I respond, this one statement invalidates the cornerstone of youth groups around the world:
You will never regret waiting.
Now I must be fair; there is plenty I do not regret. I do not regret the absence of pregnancy scares. I do not regret my freedom from STDs. I do not regret my platonic friendships. I do not regret the pain I avoided in stock of breakups. I do not regret my goody-goody label, and still prefer it to slut. I count my lucky stars that I was never among those for whom the choice was not their own. In short, I'm grateful to have completely missed out on emotional, physical, and social turmoil - that which the church relentlessly associates with pre-marital experiences.
Caveats aside, my regrets remain.
